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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in Not Your Average Dad's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, October 31st, 2006
4:44 pm
introduction time...
Hello all!

Thought I’d take a quick moment to introduce myself to the community… 

My name is Craig and I’m from Long Island. My wife and I are expecting our first in May. I am a database developer as well as a project archivist, and have done some freelance work for both. When I’m not insane from work, I’m a big time reader, love spending relaxing time outdoors during beach season, and listen to some eclectic types of music. My wife and I have been living a somewhat alternative lifestyle and are trying to figure out how to incorporate that in the coming months… I’m pretty open about my life so feel free to ask anything you want. I’m sure I’ll have some questions as various issues come up during the pregnancy and during our baby’s first few months, but I just wanted to say hello and make a few contacts along the way…

Current Mood: excited
Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
9:58 pm
NORAD (NORth American Diaper) Command Status Chart
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
12:51 am
one year ago
i was in a landmark education seminar "being extraordinary", and i was just looking throught notes from last year, ran across this.

assagnment #1
create a possibility

the possibility that i am creating for myself and my life, is the possibility of getting what i want, and having that work with my family, and my marriage, even if that means an untraditional interpretation of relationship.
i can have my cake, and eat it too.

be careful what you ask for, you might get it.....
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
11:44 pm
hp initiated a conversation about the misunderstandings we have been having related to our seperate views of our relationship. she had been really developing her thoughts, and feelings, and we both worked really hard to be respectful, and kind. we are developing a new language here. there is no pattern for us to follow as we develop what we have been creating. at times my language is laced with fear-pushing her away, protecting/distancing herself. at times her language is laced with force-scaring me to clinging/or repelled to my own space. there is a new skill we are both working on-reflecting. sometimes best for working with children-or the developmentally disabled-yes, that's the two of us. we are slowly learning to say things like, "so i'm hearing you say_______________. is hat what you mean to say?" or "your language sounds ______ to me. i feel ___________ about that. is it your intention to convey that?" we are both finding that often we are not respectively aware of our modes, and when called on them respectfully, neither of us really intends to be conflict oriented. we are just trying so hard to get our needs met, and we aren't always as self-aware as we could be. as we talked, we found that although our needs usually aren't the same, our goals, and values are closer than farther apart. if i am hearing forceful words, odds are that she doesn't know that she sounds like that, and it is really my responsability to clarify. many times it is actually in my listening. i am wounded from years of training in emotional pain-the pain of the world. over time, we will become more skillful, and won't need as much help hearing ourselves, but we mirror so perfectly for each other. there is always a reason that people choose each other, and it is seldom conscious. our wounds match perfectly. i am married to my mother, and she to her father. the pain i feel is dacades old. my issues keep coming back to me. alot of the language in my disempowered statements projects so much of me onto her. when i am successful at remembering the coaching i have recieved about taking responsability for my life, i am able to get perspective, take deep breaths, and accept now as a valid part of my life. the times that i am stuck in a power struggle, it is actually me taking my own power away. i give my power away when my ego doesn't want to be responsible for outcomes. so much easier to cop out, and search for agreement. i look for validation everywhere, and i am a tricky little devil. i usually get whatever support i seek, even when i am copping out.
i think that we started our counseling session in conflict, and we needed life support. we weren't generating the support we wanted, we were getting emergency help. we are going through a transition now with counseling, because of coverage-i am seeing someone this thursday night that will be a more longterm, quality couples counsel, and we are committed to having it as a resource for creating what we each want from our partnership, instead of mediated mud-throwing. the short-term care we got in those crazy weeks was essential, but we are moving powerfully into new phase of supported development.
this is my life. there are certainly timewhen it is chaotic, and there are times when i need to cry about how frustrated i am , but i need to keep owning it. denying that it is what it is supposed to be, doesn't help me, and pushes away the ones i love the most.
Thursday, October 13th, 2005
9:57 pm
is all this poly talk in my looking good?
my stomach hurts, and my head is swimming , and my chest is tight. my heart is crushed.
i feel like she gave up, and made a show of heartache for 2 weeks, and she is already in a rebound relationship.
today at noon she talked to me about another guy she had a crush on a year or so ago being a possibility for her as her partner now leaves to faraway.
i am hurting.
i still am not really looking for a mate, and i am totally committed to my kids, and really, am looking at wether i'm totally committed to her. she is very clear that she is not committed to me right now, and has it openended wether she will be. i am really questioning my motives in all this polyamory philosophy.
was it all staged to show her i wasn't hurting?
is it all just a show? my actions before our breakup- were they intended to get her attention? or was i trying to bring this to a head? well, i've done that.
when the heat wasn't on, and our relationship was in stagnation, i looked elsewhere for my intimate conversation. i was scared of her, and intimidated as hell by her ways of being. i was helping to grow her negative, and aggressive traits, dodging bullets, and hiding my interests, and activities for fear of her criticism.
now that i see my relationship disolving before my very eyes, i'm scared as hell(cries). i can't believe i've been walked away from. with every heartache, i realize i love her more, and more.
how long can i sustain this space? where is my breaking point?
how long can i keep this going?
it's g
Saturday, October 8th, 2005
3:14 pm
Same as it ever was----only honest
heather went out last night preplanned-she had a conversation with me about it letting me know it was a date, and she asked if she could come back in the morning, instead of late at night.
be careful what i ask for it just might happen.
poly lovestyle has me ok with what happened last night, knowing that her
freedom takes presidence over my jealousy.
people will have emotions, me included.
i expected that i would be triggered the first time she saw someone
even though i expected the emotions to come, i didn't have any real idea
what that might look like.

...i can generate things, and relationships in my life into whateve ri want .
i have created that with every new experience heather is free to have, she will have more
opportunities to grow, and will become a more dynamic, and effective parent
as well as partner.

i value the work that we have left to do, and am committed to being as effective a person as i can be,
as well as being in integrity in my relationships.

i owe it to my friends, to thank them here, and in person for being who youall are.
i love you all very much, my life is my relationships-and that is you.=((

Current Mood: thoughtful
Thursday, October 6th, 2005
5:19 pm
...like a fish to water....
heather going to college a success.Read more...Collapse )

Current Mood: resolute, satisfied,accomplished
Friday, September 30th, 2005
11:07 pm
china doll/unforgetable pease post it publicly if you find it appropriate

features etched in flesh
nearly perfect
skin milky smooth
bend down gracefully, lips brushing softly
your sleepy eyes meet mine
merging in the air between us

so dilectable to behold
they wait to be traced
by my wanting fingers
you call out silently to me
in the mild morning light

the spring air flows
wafting scents
love-daring treats
i'm drunken-immersed
not holding back
prescious times spent
living in the now

those delicate limbs
are draped affectionately
caring touch so crisp, sincere
that figure so perfect
molded in porcelain
effortless infatuation
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
5:21 pm
long night, marked by lasagna and art projects
tonight is the first night heather is going to school. she worked 9-2, an dgoes to school at evergreen 5-9.
it's really exciting for her, and for me. i am dawning on a new level of fathering. wednesday, and thursday nights are going to be a commitment to parenting well. rowan is really excited about painting. i am going to use one of the suggestions in onecrazymothers top ten occupy the kids list. the "let them do messy art projects" idea is great, and i'm committed to getting more than 10 minutes out of it.

i'll post an update later of how it went for anyone curious.

Current Mood: chipper and free
Sunday, September 25th, 2005
9:34 pm
not just another fifty cent word.
i'm a father of three
my oldest daughter is step, 9 years old, wonderful, tomboy, curtain climber
my second daughter is 6, elaborate, intricate, madly feminine
my youngest daughter is 2, effusive, sensitive, empathetic
i am 31, sell chevy/cadillac parts at a dealership
i skate occasionally, bike occasionally, sometimes spraypaint artist
am a recent home owner(ie.busy),live in west olympia(promised land)
my wife of 8 years is 29,barista, great cook, inspiration
i vacation on the 8 pegan holidays,
like reading and studying philosophy, mythology,
science fiction, and am a plant lover.
i look forward to meeting some of you through this community.
if there is anything i can offer, i will, if anyone wants to connect, drop a comment.
we're all busy, i'm sure, but i bet we can whup this thing up into more than a once a month affair.

Current Mood: calm
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
7:46 pm
Name: Wes
Age: 22
So, what about the kid?: 2-year old son named Lute. His mom and I were married for almost three years and divorced 6 months ago. I don't see him more than a couple times a week right now, as the place I've lived since moving out has been a totally unsuitable environment for a kid his age (dirty, messy, drug paraphanalia, unfriendly people) but I will finally be moving in a week and will hopefully be having him at least 3 days a week.
Work Outside Home/Stay At Home/Work At Home: Looking hard for work.
Hobbies/Interests: Singer/songwriter.
Anything else?: Former poly, taking a break from dating entirely from a while, to concentrate on self and son.

Current Mood: hopeful
Sunday, July 24th, 2005
7:00 am
Following the template:

Name/Nick:Joel Spector / Polydad
Age: 48
So, what about the kid(s)?: Both boys are absurdly gifted; the 17-year old is formally diagnosed with Aspergers' Syndrome also, and I suspect the twelve-year-old of having it as well, though of having masked the socialization problems by applying his perseveration to mastering socializing. Older boy is submitting his first novel for publication, and is also our local DDR champ, Go player, hang glider pilot, and 5th Kyu Aikido. Younger boy dances with the New York City ballet, plays trombone, sings, and is interested in studying acting if he had more hours to do so in.

Work Outside Home/Stay At Home/Work At Home: Was SAH before nasty divorce; now looking very hard for work; help solicited and welcomed.
Hobbies/Interests: Polyamory advocate (previous polyclan of 10 adults fragmented by ugly divorce); Aspergers advocate (would like to go to grad school and work in the field); medievalist, science fiction fan, ex-tuba player (can't afford horn), student of Judaism and Tao, anti-Bush activist, and several other interests I don't have time to pursue.

Anything else?: Just started with Men's Division International; eager to discuss same or similar.
Friday, July 1st, 2005
12:08 pm
Name/Nick: Matthew
Age: 26
So, what about the kid(s)?: Stepson - 5 yrs., One on the way - approx. 2 months
Work Outside Home/Stay At Home/Work At Home: Work for the Mid-MO Humane Society Animal Shelter
Hobbies/Interests: I just bought my first home, so my biggest free-time activity recently is home improvement.
Anything else?: My mate and I are in a master/pet bdsm relationship. Granted... with her being 2 months pregnant there hasn't been much of that going on lately. Hormone fluctuations will ruin a perfectly good pet.

I'm joining this community in the hope that some of you guys that have been there before can help talk me through some of the pregnancy issues. Advice and encouragement are definitely welcome. Honestly, I feel like I need all of the help I can get. I'll probably have some questions as to how to handle the stepson too.
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
3:56 pm
Name/Nick: Bob/Rodger

Age: 27

So, what about the kid(s)?: a boy in about 1 1/2 months

Work Outside Home/Stay At Home/Work At Home: Stay At Home

Hobbies/Interests: furry, computers, camping, outdoors, bi, cars, herbs, cooking, sleeping, GTA

Anything else?: Just a fellow traveler on the road of life, trying to figure out which forks in the road i should take. I'm not the best at talking to people, but when poked I normally answer, I'm also the moderator of this group. I believe in free speech but I will delete anything too inflammatory or making fun of others, if you have a problem feel free to drop me personally a line, not on the group.

I'm a first time dad, so any advise would be appreciated. I'm also up for chatting with people, so if you want to get a hold of me for more real time chat feel free to, i tend to hide thou, so just message, if i'm here, i'll message back, if not i'll send one back when i get back. I'm normally found on yahoo or ICQ, but have been known to show up on Aim often, although normally invisible. You can also reach me through LJ and E-Mail, all my contact info is on my user page.

Current Mood: high
Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
6:40 am
Name/Nick: patch
Age: just 24
So, what about the kid(s)?:twin boys 28 days old
Work Outside Home/Stay At Home/Work At Home: work from home
Hobbies/Interests: check my user info
Anything else?: i am a female to male trans person. born female i transitioned to male 5 years ago and soley identify as a man and a father.
just want to be upfront about it here since this is a community for alternative fathers. hope i am welcome here.
Sunday, April 10th, 2005
11:32 pm
Name/Nick: Greg
Age: 21 in 30 min
So, what about the kid(s)?: a Daughter on the way
Work Outside Home/Stay At Home/Work At Home: Student/Stay At Home
Hobbies/Interests: My Family, Society for the Creative Anachronism, World of Warcraft
Anything else?: Sleep is good

Current Mood: B-Day Soon
3:38 pm
Intro post
Name/Nick: Rusty/Razor/Galewind
Age: 31
So, what about the kid(s)?: I have a 16yr old stepson that my wife adopted when she was 18 (before we met). My wife is 10wks pregnant with our first biological child.
Work Outside Home/Stay At Home/Work At Home: Work outside home... I do tech support at an art school.
Hobbies/Interests: Computer-related, guitar playing, Paganism, martial arts
6:07 pm
Hello there! I'm Amber, and as you may have noticed... not a father. However, I'm helping out one of my life mates (and the father of my baby) by getting this community up and running. I only slightly more LJ savvy in that respect...

Either way, welcome to the group! rodgerfox, the actual owner/maintainer around here, should be around shortly to post his introduction... but feel free to post without him. :)
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